A professor at Kingswood once challenged me to write down my 5, 10, and 20 year goals. I can remember going back to my room, sitting there, and staring at the blank page without the slightest clue of what I'd even like to do tomorrow. Honestly, I felt pretty dumb. Who am I? What do I want to do with my life? Where do I want to live? Do I have adream car? A dream vacation? A vision for my future ministry?

Everyone else I know has a bucket list with three billion things on it. Why don't I set goals? Why don't I have a band that I've just gotta see before I die? Why am I not crazy passionate about travelling Europe or going sight seeing in Africa?

I've learned in this season that I really hate and fear making decisions for myself. The root of the issue is the fact that I'm scared being the reason that I fail. I have no problems following God's leading; or the leading of others since it's on them if things go wrong.

I'm scared to dream, I'm scared to fully be me.

I honestly don't write this as a "woe is me" piece. I'm processing through all this with expectancy and genuine excitement - knowing that as God further reveals to me who I am, I'll get to walk more confidently in the light.

I don't hate the areas in which I'm insecure. I'm actually excited about them and the way they'll grow me into operating out of full confidence and right identity in Jesus.

I refuse to fake it and pretend as though I've got everything figured out. I sooooo don't. Not having everything figured out gives me permission and the freedom to humbly submit myself before a good, good, Father who is sovereign and knows me much better than I know myself.

I'm excited to learn how to dream with God - dreaming about what my next five, ten, and twenty years could look like. I'm grateful that I serve a God who isn't a dictator; but rather one who desires to partner with me and loves to fulfill the desires of my heart.

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